Have been losing lots of sleep and too many details to say it all here now so I'm giving you a reread of an old favorite. "Grog! Grunt....grunt...mrhphmf?" Roughly translated that could mean, "Hello, I'm Tim Allen?"  Ah, the caveman. That rough, wholesome, man about Cavesville with his distinctive male essence and language. Thanks to clubbing woman and dragging her into his cave, he learned to stand up straight, to shave, and to use a good deodorant. His lustful urge to propagate the species led to many women walking out of the cave (Our bodies are delicate guys. We need a much softer surface than a cave floor). At times, I think it's a shame we brought the caveman out with us. Seriously, the author (Men are From Mars...) goes into depth on the cave analogy. Men need to return to their cave. Women need to understand that a man needs his cave and shouldn't nag. Isn't that a lovely negative? He goes totally away from the idea of greet your man at the door with a drink and a kiss, preferably dressed in cellophane and a bow (Me? I liked to wear pretty little naughties but we aren't supposed to hamper you from your cave dwelling. Darn.). He also goes away from the image of the happy housewife dressed in heels and pearls, cheerfully cooking dinner at the stove while brandishing a martini...gently shaken...not stirred. No. Women. To acknowledge your man at homecoming is a negative. To discuss anything at all when he first comes in the door, according to this author, is to nag. The man claims many times that we are nags. Why? Because the man is in his cave and we need acknowledgement to something we have said so we repeat it. If you want a happy husband, he says don't do that. No repeating. So Dear Heart, if I've asked you to ravish me on the kitchen table and you didn't hear me the first time, a second request is a nag. Us women are supposed to understand that our man needs to unwind in his cave before we say anything to him. Don't ask about his day. Don't talk about ours. As long as we do that then the man will be on a rubber band and return to us. Our lack of pestering will let the man ease back in. Women....our husbands will love us if we do this. They won't get anything done around the house, but they'll love us. I'm all for letting a man have his cave as long as he's fair about it and let's me have mine. I also need to unwind after a busy day. I certainly don't need to walk in the door, be immediately accosted with children, homework, household chores, or meal making. I too can grunt in displeasure when faced with immediate problems upon entering the cave. If the man provides me with a house (not apartment) that I can make a home, then he can have a cave room. I'll even set it up for him. Give the man a mini fridge for his beer or other refreshment, set out a nice piece of stereo equipment or television, and give him a comfy chair. He can even have some dirty magazines if he so desires. But the rest of the house is mine. No dirty socks or underwear is allowed to find floors. No food particles to trail off to the cave for a direction home. Nor will I enter the cave upon demand for service. He'll need to come out to fetch his own requirements. The caveman in my life can also have the grocery shopping chore. Especially if all he wants are meat and potato type meals. Unfair? I think not! Before we left the caves it was the man's job to fetch the food...not the woman's. Want me to cook...fetch the food. It'll make my life easier and my caveman's much more pleasant. If my man wants to let the rubber band stretch a bit and sneak away to his cave, fine with me. He just shouldn't be surprised when I snap it, letting him fly as if he'd been loaded on a slingshot. I'll quite gleefully do this when annoyed because the bathroom sink is still dripping a week after I've mentioned it...once. Or the oil needs changing on my car...or the tires rotating....or the engine winterizing. No excuses accepted. I'm not supposed to give reminders because that is nagging. I think the rubber band snap ought to be a hint that the man needs to ask a question or two. If my man wants to hide in his cave all day and not acknowledge me with anything other than grunts, this too is fine. I'll simply roll a stone across the entrance and let him out when I need stud service. If he's in a weakened condition due to lack of food, it's not my fault. He went to the cave willingly. I figure he'll get hungry in a couple of days. Shame. And the oxygen issue? Not my problem. It's his cave after all. If the cave doesn't answer the man's need for escape from this vicious nagging woman, he can always climb on a rocket back to Mars. I'll generously give him a hand. That's what I'm there for. Support! Ciao, mia bellas! | 
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*jumps up and down and tosses confetti*